Friday, April 30, 2010

Upside Down World

When I first saw these 4 positive tests, little did I know that it would turn my world upside down. Upside down in many ways filled with more love than I could have ever imagined I could have for another human being, more happiness, more appreciation for the little things in life, more patience (which has been one of my worst virtues), and more meaning to everyday life; but this positively new, love-filled upside down world that I live in now, involves a great decrease in sleep, more stresses from striving everyday to ensure that my son is happy and well-taken care of when he is upset, crying, teething, uncomfortable, lonely, and tired but at the end of the day, I thank God for those 4 positive tests that I initially refused to believe but were in fact what I needed to fulfill one of my main purposes in life that I always dreamed of, whether or not it was what I dreamed of at that moment in time, but rather to God's timing for me; and that was to mother and nurture a baby...MY baby. I know some woman don't ever want to have children but early on, I knew that it was something that I hoped for in my adult future and with this surprise that came upon Dale and I last April, I didn't fathom just exactly how much it would change my world.

In the almost 5 months of Everett's life, motherhood has been rewarding and I have been grateful for a well-temperamental baby but today was the hardest day that I have experienced as a mother. I'm sure it has a lot to do with him currently teething but Everett cried more than I could ever imagine a baby could cry. And perhaps I never imagined it because up to this point, he rarely cried or fussed at all but for the first time since he was born, today is the day that I admit that motherhood is NOT an easy task. I wanted to cry for my son knowing that he was in such discomfort. He barely napped or fed today and had such a helpless look of sadness on his face that wrenched my heart. I would gladly take any sort of physical pain than to see and feel my child's pain. I'm quite sure that this is all due to him teething but I plan on making an appointment for him to see his pediatrician next week for a check up just to ensure that he's okay and isn't experiencing pain from another source unrelated to his teething. Being a first-time mom, I'm overly assertive when it comes to his health and taking him in will give me a peace of mind.

Nonetheless, our Friday night ended on a good note. My parents came over for dinner and my dad was actually able to get a few giggles out of Everett. That was heart-warming to see.

Everett went down for the night without a fight and is sound asleep in Dreamland. Tomorrow is a new day that I plan on embracing and I hope and pray that I will be able to better handle this new thing called Motherhood. I wouldn't want my upside down world in any other direction.

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